Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and somehow I actually slept in and missed the march.  San Antonio has one of the largest marches in the nation, believe it or not, and it's always a great day with many fabulous speeches and actions, and I missed it this year.  I don't usually sleep well, so for me to have slept is a little weird.  I guess I must have needed it.

Speaking of MLK, I've always considered him to be one of my "heroes."  I would have liked to have known him, to have marched with him, to have sat at his feet and learned from him.  He made so much of what is happening today possible.  Without him, not only would the antiquated ideas of race be, well, antiquated, I doubt that women's rights, gay rights-all of our rights would be where they are today.  We still have a way to go, but thank goodness for Martin and others like him, who stood up when it would have been easier to sit down.

I watch my grandchildren playing, and they are still too young to even notice race or anything else that often divides adults.  I love that.  I love that they accept everyone, that they haven't learned judgment, and hope that when they do, they will use it based on action instead of race, gender, orientation or that which contributes to make each of us the persons we are.

So, Mr. King, I'm sorry I missed the march in your honor today, but I promise to keep the dream alive in my own little way.  May we all follow in your footsteps and "be the change" we envision.

Peace.

I keep thinking I'm going to get better at keeping up with this, but then life (or something) gets in the way.  I spent the night last night with Oren, so Alana could go out with some friends for the New Year.   He's a ball of energy at 1 1/2, and we had lots of fun playing, reading books and watching the ball drop in NYC.  Yes, he was still up at midnight!

Alden started walking! He's 10 months old and is determined to keep up with big brother, Asher, who loves trains and is quite the conversationalist at 2 1/2 and so very smart.  It's really great to have them close by now that they've moved back to the area.  Ryan and Vicki bought a lovely home on some acreage outside San Antonio.  Their view is beautiful.

I also had Rachel's boys over for awhile a couple of days ago.  I had gotten some painting kits- some were magnets to paint, and some were simple paint by numbers.  They sat at the dining room table and painted away, making some very cool magnets and pretty pictures to take home to Mommy, who was, of course, thrilled!  Baby Renna is talking already at 8 months. She says Mama, Dada, Up, Uhoh, and Dog very clearly.  Abram is in Kindergarten and I had him read some for me while he was over here.  All these brilliant kids!  Khalil and Aden are both amazing, too- and all so sweet.

Thanksgiving brought everyone together this year- Kristinn and the kids came in from Virginia, and all the rest of the kids and grandkids live here now.  It was one of the best Thanksgivings ever.  Sofia is much into art, and she is very talented  Gabriel is quite the comedian and very good with the younger kids.  He was a huge help.

Then for Hanukkah, everyone came over (except Kristinn and the kids who were, by then, back in Va.) to light candles, exchange gifts and eat latkes, of course.

And now it's a new year, and I'm feeling such positive change in the air.   May yours be full of love and laughter and all that is good.

graduation

graduation

Wasn't it such a short time ago
 that my youngest
 learned how to tie his shoes?
 Today I noticed a picture of him
 on the refrigerator
 just a little boy
 big smile on his chubby face.
 This evening,
he asked for my car keys
and off he went
 now over 6 feet tall
 big smile on his bearded face.
 Time flies-such a cliche
 but truer than I knew
 when I still tucked him in
  at night.

Recent pictures

This is Asher at almost a year.











Newest addition, Oren, shortly after birth.
















Most of the boys with Papa and Ryan-we're missing Gabriel but hope to get them ALL together at the upcoming family reunion.















Eli went to the prom this year. Here we are before he left to pick up his date.

hmmm

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I last posted here. What have I been doing? I'm not even sure. I went back to teaching this year- via substituting for my friends and former colleagues and found myself enjoying it for the most part. I started and ended the year in long term positions, the second one in my very own former classroom, which was sort of surreal. My electric hole puncher was still there, my name scrawled across it in black sharpie. I accidentally left it when I moved, this hole puncher I'd purchased myself, but I'm glad another teacher gets use out of it now. Those last 4 weeks, I had 4 truly wonderful classes and one that was difficult. If only I had more time with them, I think we would've become close, and it made me sad that we didn't. It was hard leaving, feeling as though I wasn't able to impact this particular group in a more positive way. Yet, I did make connections with several-one girl who shared her writing with me and I found it truly excellent. I have no doubt that if she continues, she will be published one day. Another shared her music with me, and we found we had much in common. These students made me realize how much I'd missed the classroom- well, not the classroom, but the relationships built in that classroom.

Personally, I was blessed with another grandchild-bringing us up to 7- 6 of them boys. Oren Louis joined us on May 27- a happy, bright eyed little guy.

A big family reunion looms in July, when my clan will join together at the Jersey shore. It will be the first time in a very long time all of us will be together. Almost all of us, anyway.

I need to post new pictures-and hope to get on that soon!

And we're off- almost

On Tuesday we embark on a road trip to Louisville, Kentucky, where we'll visit Ryan and Vicki and meet our newest grandson, Asher Riley. We'll be driving from San Antonio, leaving Alana and Jake to take care of the house and the pets. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures and try to post them. Another reason for this trip is that Eli qualified for Junior Gold- the national youth bowling competition in Indianapolis. He just received his 300 ring a couple of weeks ago, and needless to say, he's pretty thrilled with that. I'm not particularly looking forward to all of those hours in the car, but I'll try to remain positive- after all, it's what's at the destination that's important, and I'm definitely looking forward to that! I was hoping to see Kristinn and family on this trip, too, but they're not going to be able to make it. One of these days, I'll get all of these grandchildren together. I now have as many grandchildren as I do kids! Khalil just had his first birthday- he was especially interested in the icing on the cake. He is a funny little guy- he mumbles, but we all understand what he's saying- "Pick me up," "I want down," "Give me some." He has all these 3 word sentences. And he loves to dance. He starts by just moving his head up and down, and then it's as if the beat moves to his shoulders, then his arms, and eventually his whole body is grooving away. Gabriel, our oldest grandson, is going to be 7 in August and moving on up to second grade! I love reading Kristinn's blog about the funny things Gabe and Sofia say and do. Sofia is the princess of the family as our only little girl- which is the opposite of the generation before her where girls ruled the roost! Aden, who's 4, is ready to start school, but he has to wait one more year, and Abram is a different character every time I go visit. Lately, he's been Peter Parker, and he'll tell me, "Look, Bubbe- there's a spider under here, and he bit me, so now I'm Spiderman, but right now, I'm Peter Parker, and I'll turn into Spiderman when I need to."

I've been retired for an entire year now, and I must say the time has gone by very quickly. I am thinking about going back to work, and have a couple of possibilities. I'll let you know what they are if either should come to fruition. It's different thinking about work at this point in my life because if I decide I don't like it, I don't have to stay. That's good to know!

Recently, I attended the San Antonio Film Festival, where a new friend of mine, Michael Pertnoy, showed his film, The Last Survivor. I will be helping with the curriculum on the film, and I'm very excited about that. The movie won the Audience Award- which is a pretty big deal.

It's been awhile since I've been here. I tend to concentrate more on my writers' group creative blog, and I keep a blog for my synagogue as well. I feel like I'm just as busy as I was when i worked- but I'm enjoying all of it!

The Virginians

Just had a lovely visit with Kristinn, Tim, Gabriel and Sofia. The time always flies, and it seemed like it really zoomed by this time. Kristinn was here for a conference as an exhibitor for the EPA, so while she was downtown doing her thing, I got to play. It was great to have all of my grandchildren together! The two top pictures are all of my daughters, and the bottom one is of my grandchildren with me. (Gabriel, Aden, Sofia, Khalil (on my lap), and Abram)

State of the Union:

I watched the State of the Union Address last night, and though I am still a big fan of President Obama, I felt a real sense of sadness watching. As one side of the room regularly broke into applause, the other side sat with arms crossed, sometimes scoffing- sometimes looking at each other with disdain for our president. It reminded me of a bunch of middle school kids who are angry at each other for no good reason. They want to "win" even if it means the American public "loses." It's not about what the people want- it's about them. I was already depressed over the Supreme Court ruling that corporations can act as individuals where campaign contributions are concerned. We've become an oligarchy- just like that. Big money is completely in charge. So when I watched our president talk about going forward, and I saw the reaction of the Right, it made me sick to my stomach. How can anyone be against health care reform? How can anyone be against green jobs? How is it that all these people are so brazen as to put their own special interests before the interests of the citizens of this nation. The oil lobby wins. The pharmaceutical industry wins. The insurance companies win. And we lose. I'm afraid there's nothing President Obama or the few politicians who walk their walk can do. And it's so very sad to me.

The New Year is Right Around the Corner

I think I've said before that I'm not much for New Year's resolutions, and that's still true. I think we all should try to lead our best lives all the time, and though I'm not always successful, I do try. However, spending Christmas Eve down at the local homeless shelter brought home to me that I don't do near enough. I remember reading somewhere once that most of us are just one paycheck away from being homeless ourselves, and visiting with the people at the shelter made that very real for me. There were mothers with newborn babies- one of the moms had eight children ranging from early teens to an infant. That could've easily been me. I was lucky. I had the support of friends and family, and if I had ever ended up without a home, I had generous people in my life who, I'm sure, would have taken me in. One father stood on the sidelines, watching his kids play games with our group- a sort of sad smile on his face. One mom asked her son if she could take the gifts we gave him and wrap them so that he would have something to unwrap in the morning. Another young teen was overheard saying he was going to put the skateboard he'd gotten as a gift outside another younger boy's door because he had heard the boy saying how much he wished he'd gotten a skateboard. Here's this kid with just the clothes on his back willing to give away his gift to make another child happy! The generosity of that touched me to my core. I got to come home to my big warm house, and these children were spending the night in the family section of SAMM's Shelter, an emergency shelter where they are expected to get up and leave in the morning. A new shelter called Haven for Hope is in the process of being built, and it's a place where all the services a homeless, jobless person might need will be housed together- places to sleep, a medical clinic, classes, job counseling, psychiatric counseling- everything. And I'm planning to find out what I can do there to help. Watching these little children was heartbreaking, and nobody deserves to be in their situation. Seeing their parents doing the best they can under their circumstances - well, it made me think about those who are against health care reform, those who want to criminalize the poor, those who think they're "better than" because they are wealthy- those who will never understand. So I am making a few New Year's resolutions this year- to DO instead of just talk- to HELP instead of shake my head at the sadness - to BE that best person I can be every day to the best of my ability.

May your new year be the best ever, and may we all be grateful for what we have.

A busy month!

December began with a trip to Virginia for Sofia's fourth birthday. My only granddaughter, she is just adorable! It was a great trip, visiting with Kristinn and Tim and Sofia's big brother, Gabriel, who is 6. We left San Antonio amid reports of a very possible snow in San Antonio, which of course is very rare, and didn't happen- of course. But, the day after it was supposed to snow at home, it actually did snow in Virginia! It was lovely, and just enough to enjoy without getting stranded or stuck. We had Fia's birthday party at Chucky Cheese, with a great time had by all. She was definitely the princess of the party, crown and all! Despite the cold weather, we all got out to the Native American Museum and the Botanical Center, all decked out for the holidays. We also were able to just relax, which is always nice when on vacation. Gabe read to me and is doing very well with that and school in general. He has a very funny sense of humor- so does Sofia for that matter!

Upon returning home, it was back to work to get ready for our Chanukah play- a short revue using 40's music with Chanukah-ish lyrics. With only a few rehearsals, we were able to pull that off at the Latke Cook-off and then were asked for an encore performance at the Chanukah dinner at Temple. It's a pretty silly little show, but we had fun, and the audiences enjoyed it- that's good enough for me.

Eli's high school bowling team remains undefeated, and the biggest news there is that during a match against MacArthur High School, Eli bowled a perfect game- a 300! I'd never seen that happen before, and I have to say, it was pretty exciting. Everyone cheered- even the other team and their coach, and their were hugs all around. Just today at Eli's Saturday youth league, his team got their first place trophies for the first bowling season, and now they have two weeks off until they begin anew. At this moment, he's at the award party for his travel league, and I believe there's another award party on Monday night for the scholarship league. Yes, I spend a lot of time in bowling alleys!

I've got the annual holiday poem finished but am waiting for Alan to add the pictures, so I can send it out. Looking forward to a great year. Happy holidays everyone!

Fun with the Boys

Rachel and the boys were over yesterday, and we had the radio on- playing oldies. Aden wanted us all to dance, so we each had a partner: Alana and Aden, Rachel and Khalil, and Abram with me. We danced a slow song, twirling and moving around the living room; and then a fast song came on, so someone said, "With this kind of music, you have to shake your booty," so we did. Aden and Abram were hilarious- shaking booties and laughing. We all got to laughing so hard it's a wonder nobody had an accident. Later, Aden asked me to sing the "Tree Song." Remember it from Captain Kangaroo? Grandpop used to get us singing it in the car, too. "...the hole in the ground and the green grass grew all around, all around, and the green grass grew all around." Over the years, we've added our own verses, so that now it goes all the way to the "prettiest dandruff that you ever did see..." (after the hair on the wart, and the wart on the flea, and the flea on the feather, and the feather on the wing, and the wing on the bird, and the bird in the egg, and the egg in the nest, and the nest on the twig, and the twig on the branch, and the branch on the tree, and the tree on the root, and the root in the hole, and the hole in the ground...") And we always have to sing it twice. Once that was over, Aden said, "Sing the WART song, Bubbe," and I said I didn't know the WART song, but he insisted because he knows if he insists, I'll make up a silly song, so we sang a song about Aunt Alana with a wart on her butt who had to go to the doctor to get the wart cut, cut right off her butt butt. Rachel loves it when I do this, by the way...haha. I can't think of anything more fun than dancing and singing songs with my grandchildren. I am one lucky Bubbe!

Poor Neptune!

It was bound to happen. Neptune, the Boston terrier, loves to chase Sazoo, the 25 pound cat. Usually Sazoo runs from him and goes through the kitty door into the garage, but about two years ago, Neptune cornered him, and Sazoo swiped him, tearing his left eye. Surgery followed that, and Tune has since had limited vision in that eye. Well, the Tunester is a slow learner and has continued to torment the big fat cat. Saturday night I got home and noticed his OTHER eye was squinty. Upon closer inspection, I saw it was very red, but he seemed to be doing ok- until Aden threw a ball to me, Neptune got in the way, and the ball hit him in the eye. Needless to say, there was a trip to the vet today, and it looks like his eye will be saved but most likely his sight will not. Dr. Hill says the other eye is developing a cataract and that he will soon be blind in both eyes, but that blind dogs do very well since they don't have the psychological issues we people have. Now, how can anyone know that? Maybe at this very moment, Neptune is sitting in his kennel at the vet's office saying, "Damn- I can't see a thing, and this really sucks." I felt terrible leaving him because he hates to stay at the vet's, but there was no choice. I'll pick him up tomorrow to the "tune" of $450.00. Sazoo, in the meantime, is walking around like he owns the place. I wonder how he'll feel about his new job as a seeing eye cat.

Smarties!

I spent the morning with Aden and Khalil while Rachel took Abram to his music class. Aden loves to "play school," so Rachel makes flashcards for him, and while I was there, he got out his flashcards and asked me to "do them" with him. He whizzed through all of the words until he came to "PHONE," at which time he stopped and said, "Bubbe, did you know that a p and an h together make a sound like f? P-h-o-n-e spells phone!" He also has words like "tizzy" and "wailing," and he knows them all. Then he got out his magnadoodle and wanted me to spell "ambulance" for him, which he promptly wrote down. Khalil, in the meantime, at 3 months old is rolling over and trying to crawl. He didn't fuss at all- this was the first time ever Rachel's left him, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I shouldn't have been worried. He is interested in everything around him and just squeals with delight when Aden or I interact with him. When Abram and Rachel got back, Abram told me all about a little roach he saw and how "cool" it was...he likes to capture bugs, examine them and then let them go. Wonder who he takes after???? :)

L'shanah Tovah!

Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, is right around the corner, and it's a time for us to reflect on the past year and think about what we'll do differently in the new. I've been feeling like good things are coming for some time now, and that's intensifying as the high holy days get closer. Last weekend was S'lichot, the official beginning of these days of awe, and I had the distinct pleasure of putting my play, Ben's Gift, on for the congregation at Temple Beth-El. I was also one of the actors, and I've noticed as I get older, it's more and more difficult to learn lines- especially when there are so many of them! Thank goodness for a patient director! Thankfully also, the play went over very well. Rabbi Block held a question/answer session afterwards. He asked, "What was Ben's gift?" and I was shocked and delighted by the numerous responses- some I hadn't even thought of myself! I received a very meaningful e-mail from Rabbi the next day, so it seems the show was a success.

Yesterday, I spent a good part of the afternoon with Aden and Abram. We went to Barnes and Noble to hear a storyteller, and I let them each pick out a book to buy. Abram went straight to the shelf with the teenager books on it and took the biggest Harry Potter book he could find. He's TWO. I convinced him that that particular book was probably one that needed to wait a few years, so he ended up finding a large Harry Potter coloring book. Alana bought both boys wands awhile back, so Abram runs around the house with his Harry Potter sweater on, pointing the wand and saying, "Expeliarmus!" Aden is much more laid back and found a Sesame Street book to buy. Then one of them spotted some stuffed dragons, so of course we bought those too. From there- off to McDonald's to play and home with two tired out little guys.

The following is a very short poem inspired by the play:

Bubbe

The fireflies of her memories
light and dim the way
I was her mother yesterday
today, her granddaughter
once she called me Tootie,
a long ago friend
flickers of her life that was
as it fades slowly away

Summer ends once again

What a summer I've had! Khalil Isaiah was born on June 25- another beautiful little boy to add to our growing family. For the first time in years, the boys outnumber the girls in our gang. Grandchildren continue to amaze and delight me.


In July, my theatre group had the opportunity to perform Darfur Calls once again and it was so wonderful to be back with the cast- great friends and actors who give their time to the cause. It's such an amazing feeling. I spent much of the rest of the month writing another play, Ben's Gift for the holiday, Selichot, and we've started rehearsals now on that.





Just last week, Eli, Alana, and I were in Dutch Harbor, Alaska, visiting my sister Jane and her husband Rich. They were the best hosts- taking us hiking and to all of the beautiful sites. We even got to go out on a boat where we saw some whales, an otter, some Puffins (they are SO cute!), jumping salmon, and bald eagles- not to mention waterfalls and scenery like we've never seen before. It also just happens that Rich is the chef at the hotel there, and I don't remember ever having more delectable food in my life. He kept us spoiled the entire trip- even serving up bananas foster on our final night there. Thank you so much Jane and Rich for a truly fabulous vacation.








Eli goes back to school tomorrow- a sophomore, and though he really wanted to stay in Alaska for a year, I think he's getting used to the idea of another school year here at home. He and his friends have been burning up the phone lines, and he got all of his school supplies in order last night. Here I am- for the first time in 28 years, I won't be going back to school with the kids. It's a bittersweet feeling- I will miss the daily interaction with my students and my colleagues- my friends at Bush. I will miss "talking teacher" with them and my other friends in the profession. Yet, I feel really good about my decision to retire. I have this overwhelming sense that new things are coming soon, and I can't wait to find out what they are.

Seeing Barack

I picked up Aden and Abram today to give Rachel a little break, and we went to the Play Place at MacDonald's. Now those of you who know me KNOW I don't do MacDonalds, but when that happens to be one of my grandsons' favorite places, what can I do? We have a little routine- the boys eat their Happy Meal McNuggets with fruit and milk, and then they play for awhile. Last, we eat an ice cream cone (don't tell Rachel!!) :) and we go home. So today, we were sitting in a booth eating our ice cream- Abram was next to me, and Aden across from us, and there was a large group of African Americans in a couple of booths next to us. Suddenly, Aden stops eating and says, "Look, Bubbe- it's Barack Obama." My initial reaction was "Oh crap," but then I noticed one of the young black men looking at me and pointing over my head, so I turned and looked up, and there on the TV screen was none other than Barack Obama himself. The young man looked at Aden and gave him a thumbs up.

On the way home in the car, Aden was playing and talking to his stuffed bear (from the Happy Meal) when Abram piped up with, "Aden, you are a one man show!" And Aden said, "Bubbe, tell Abram not to call me a one man show." I thought I'd wet my pants laughing. I told Rachel about it, and she said neither she nor Greg have ever said that, and then Greg remembered it's a line in the movie Madagascar. But how amazing that a 2 year old would not only remember the line but also use it completely appropriately. I texted all this to Alan, and he said, "We've got a genius and a comedian!" Of course we have a couple of other genius comedians in Gabriel and Sofia, too! Read Kristinn's blog and you'll know what I mean! And we can't forget Khalil, who at 6 weeks, already laughs and coos and we could swear he's starting to talk sometimes!

Sometimes I wonder how it is that I got to be so lucky.

What a dog!

Sheena, our black lab mix wonderdog died over a year ago, but sometimes as I'm waking up in the morning, I could swear she's next to my bed. I wrote the following at my Writers' Group this week:

To Sheena

Our ritual-
Cold nose nudges my face
as morning intrudes
into my bed
I place my hand
on your soft head
You run for the door
and come back,
tail wagging as I
Rise
from dreams of sand
and twisted shells
I stretch,
pull on my empty pockets
up to my knees
and laugh
Wrong pants!
Quick change
and we’re off
to carve out
our walk
Along the sunflowered paths

-Kathi

Reunion time

What a wonderful few days we've had! Last week, knowing that Kristinn was coming in to town for a few days, I invited some of her high school friends to come over for a belated birthday party/reunion. Kristinn and I were both happily surprised when Luci showed up all the way from Brownsville along with "locals" Ricky, Kelly, Priscilla, and Jennifer, AND Casey from Houston. It was great fun catching up with everyone- you know how it is when you are going to visit with people you haven't seen in years, and when they finally arrive, it's as if time is suspended? That's what it felt like. All of these 30 somethings were my students back in middle school in South San Antonio and all very special to me because not only were they (and still are) amazing people, they were also Kristinn's friends and spent time at our house or on trips. Luci and Ricky went with me to the Y.O. Ranch to present a project we did in our GT class. All of the other presentations there were science projects, but ours was done in an English class- research based. Only a small number were chosen each year from the many applications, and for as long as the program continued, the kids in my little GT class were invited every year. It was especially wonderful to have my oldest daughter home for a few days, though it made me wish she and her family lived here permanently. With Alana moving home, I'm getting greedy! I now have four out of the six here in San Antonio. We'll all have to get working on Kristinn and Tim, Ryan and Vicki!

being bubbe

Is there any greater love than that a grandmother has for her grandchildren? Oh, I know there are many kinds of love, and each of them wonderful, but until I had grandchildren, I didn't realize how amazing it would be. With Gabriel (5 1/2) and Sofia (3) living far away in Virginia, I don't get to spend time with them as often as I'd like, but even talking to them on the phone, my heart fills up as though it could burst from the love inside. I wish they were here. I am fortunate that Rachel stayed in San Antonio, and I get my Bubbe fix through her three: Aden (3), Abram (2), and Khalil (1 week). I've found that I'm a much more relaxed bubbe than I was a mom. The stress is gone, and I can just have fun with the boys. Whenever I see them, they make me feel like a celebrity, "Bubbe! Bubbe's here!" they holler and run to hug me and kiss me hello. Tonight I stopped by and after their usual greeting, they climbed up into my lap. Abram asked me if he could "see my tongue," so I stuck it out at him, and he touched the tip of it, saying, "Ohhh- I touched your tongue- do it again, Bubbe!" This led to a sticking out of the tongue game that Aden quickly joined, and we laughed until I had tears rolling down my face. My daughter and her husband looked at one another and shook their heads, but pretty soon they were laughing too. From there, we had horsey rides on my knee, singing one of my grandfather's songs- "Pony Boy," over and over. As I got ready to leave, Abram grabbed a popsicle stick and said, "I got my sword to fight the skeletons!" and he jumped around swinging his "sword." "Come on Aden," he continued, "let's sword the skeletons!" and off they went to do battle. Khalil slept the entire time we played and laughed. I kissed the boys goodbye, and Aden said, "Don't go, Bubbe," with Abram repeating right behind, "No, don't go, Bubbe," putting his hands out wide to stop me. I scooped them both up and gave them big kisses, telling them I'd be back soon- to come and close and lock the door behind me so that no more skeletons could get in. They happily complied, saying, "I love you, Bubbe, I love you..." It can't get any better than that- well, except having Gabe and Sofia right here, too.

A Very Sad Day

I just got home from a funeral, and sitting there listening to numerous people talk about Shelley made me think. I wish I had taken the time to get to know her better. She was this amazing woman, a speech therapist in our school. We'd stop and say hello and talk a little every now and then, but I knew her more because she was the mom of one of my son's friends than anything else. About two years ago, Shelley resigned, and it wasn't until after she left that I found out she resigned under pressure- and probably unjust pressure. I saw her one day after that, and she told me she had thought about coming to me (I've been the union rep. since our school opened), but she really felt that everything would work out, and when it didn't, it was too late. I wish I had paid better attention to what was happening because I may have been able to help her. I'll never know now. She loved her job- she loved kids, and losing those sent her into a depression from which she never completely recovered. Last week she jumped off the top of a high parking garage, leaving behind a teenage daughter, a husband, a father and numerous other relatives and friends who love her. Today, as I sat in the church, I heard about how she graduated from college in two years and got her Master's in only one- both degrees with honors. I heard about how she loved to read, to attend live theatre, to travel. I heard about how much she did for others, giving of her time and herself quietly, without expectation. And I thought about how we could have been the best of friends-- not just colleagues. It made me realize how many opportunities are missed because we're always in such a hurry. We slam through our days, rarely taking a precious minute to speak to those who work with us, go to class with us, live with us. I am saddened that for every minute we're wrapped up in ourselves and in our own small worlds, we could've reached out and done something for someone else, and in the process, expanded our world and that other person's too. Shelley is gone, but the lesson she leaves behind will help me to be a much better person, and I am grateful to her for that.

I wish I had gotten to know you better, Shelley. You continue to teach us from your new world. I wish you peace.